The Tragedy of our Mother

In the fires of hate, this world, is damned
This destruction of our mother, I cannot stand
For as I watch the forests, burn mightily away
I feel the very essence of my soul, begin to sway

Its like watching a loved one, stab their own heart
As death creeps in, and their eyes begin to dart
And all the while you hold back your tears
And save your screams, lest they reach their ears.

Please mother hold on, to any, even slightest hope of salvation
And let our race be gifted with that oh so sweet divine revelation
Let us rise up and say "Nay we will not sit blindly anymore!"
Let us destroy your enemies, let us settle the score

For we are your children, beautiful and divine
But alas, without you mother, we have gone blind
And now I finally see, that we are eternally bound
Bound to your voice, the emerald sound

So with unconditional love I embrace your light
For mother you have given me the most lucid and clearest of sight
But should you die and fade to ash
I beseech you with a favor, one I feel I must ask
Grace me with rain, in which I may pray
Pray that my body should end and my soul washed away

the only authority is yourself

They pulled me and Tara over while driving through a mountain village
Apparently there was a sign saying that the road was closed
But we saw no sign on the way up or down
And apparently neither did the hundred other cars driving the road
The Federal Police fucked with me because of how I looked
Threatening me, lying to me, and laughing at me.
Pieces of shit.
They made a mistake messing with me.
This sorrow, is now theirs.

I hate not being able to sleep

After long periods of not sleeping, everything starts to become like a dream.
All meshing together, undistinguishable.
Bleh.
I had a very enjoyable time drinking with Meghan last night, now my body is just sore.
All my muscles ache.
Its not a hangover, as I did not have much to drink, nor do I ever get hangovers.
No point in dwelling on it though.

I'm very excited for toni
ght, going to go pick up Tara and possibly go to the beach.

I dont feel much like writing right now
Will recount last nights and probably tonights adventure tomorrow
As I dont see why my sleeping situation should be any different tonight.

Short poem

I wrote this 2 years ago, while in the wilderness.
I feel as if it really resonates with my soul at the moment.

I watched the end of the world
I saw it come;
I tried to save it
But in the end, I bathed in its blood.



I feel no connection to this world
Or its filthy inhabitants
But this is simply my bitter ramblings
An effect of the fact I have yet to meet someone of intelligence in this city
You would think; Los Angeles, one of the worlds largest cities
Perhaps I have just been looking in the wrong places...

Black Magick Desire

Its easy to get caught up in sorrow.
To let the flood of emotions that plague our existence, take importance over our intellect and reason.
Which has been my case as of late.
Not to say it is a terrible thing however, as the greatest enlightenment comes from the most difficult of struggles.
I have been having a difficult time however, and last night I took action.
I was not able to follow the directions of the spell directly, but I feel that such directions as "the candles must never have been lit before" will not heed the magickal current that flows through me, and that my spell will have been successful, if not from just the sheer amount of energy I released last night.
I felt the magick in the air as well, it was suffocating.
The great part about my working last night, is that this ritual is meant to achieve a very specific goal.
So I will be expecting very specific results.

Life otherwise has been eventful.
I dare not write everything that has come to pass, at least not yet, as it involves information with certain individuals who might not be too pleased if I wrote down their actions for the world to see.
Which is regrettable as they do make for fascinating stories.
Soon after my last post however, true beauty struck our course.
As we prepared to make our leave of the mountain village; it began to rain.
To finally see and feel rain after so long of dry and terrible heat; it was indescribable.
Me and Jamie parked on the side of the road and took the the lakes shores, and just sat.
Enjoying the quiet beauty and the feeling of rain against our bodies.
The rain got to such a degree that we had to retreat into our cars, lest we be soaked.
It was beautiful.
I felt more alive then than I have in a long long time.
Interestingly enough, as soon as we got halfway down the mountain, it got unbearably hot and there was not a cloud in sight.
It was as if we crossed into another world.

Well I must leave now and prepare for work.
I shall record the rest of the past weeks adventures when I return.

Crazy Night

Yesterday was pretty exciting.
Woke up, got ready.
Drove to LongBeach and picked up Jamie
We then proceeded to make our way to BigBear, while dealing with the unbearable heat.
2 hours later, we were surrounded by beautiful wilderness.
It was a beautiful cloudy day.
The rest of the day was spent visiting old and walking around the quiet little mountain town that we called home for nearly 4 years.
As night fell, the evening turned into a night of debauchery and midnight talks.
Was a very eventful trip, at the moment, me and Jamie are sitting in an auto repair lobby, as I need to get my brakes replaced.
I'm always baffled by how much it costs to maintain a vehicle.
But such is life.
I am considering doing an auto class, as it probably would save me a great sum of money if I could repair my car on my own.

I am listening to these red necks talk, and its quite entertaining.
Not in a demeaning sort of way, but more of I admire their simplicity.

I just got my quote, its going to cost me around $290
Thats without them fixing whatever is causing my check-engine light to activate.
Cant let myself get caught up in expenses though.

Anyways, today should be fun
When my car is finished, I think me and Jamie are gonna head back to LA.
It was nice to see our old friends here, but it was only nice to a certain degree.
I enjoy my solitude.
Being around people for this long has actually proven to be quite an enjoyable challenge.

Into the Forest

I have to admit I am quite excited.
Its been a while since I have been to bigbear
I'm very excited though.
I'll be driving to Longbeach to pick up Jamie, and then we'll be on our way.
Dont have much planned, my only real desire however is to either go to castle rock, or somewhere of equal beauty.
I cant not go hiking on such a beautiful and cloudy day.
I might also bring my ritual equipment and do some work in the forest up there.
But we'll see, that might be better spent for another night.
Anyways, were heading back down tomorrow so I'll write on how the adventure went, hopefully with some pictures, as this promises to be a very exciting day.

Intense night

Last night was a very powerful night
Demon-work is far more exhausting than I anticipated
The whole night felt like a far off dream
I might engage in it again tonight
Either that or I might just engage in a simpler spell

The whole atmosphere of my room has changed
There is like a spiritual residue or energy
Its fantastic
To not just see, but feel, the change brought in the universe by your own power
Brings about great joy
To know you hold the keys to limitless power
Mmm baby
I could get used to this

Santa Monica was visited by evil

If I be the first black magician to haunt these shores
Then Santa Monica has had its first true experience of evil
Communicated with the damned tonight
The ground is scorched with raw energy

Got in a fight; sort of

So I took a walk 2 nights ago
As I walked by a bar, a drunk started yelling at me
So I replied by calling him a "pathetic drunk"
As I turned to leave, he grabbed my jacket
So I swung around and knocked him to the ground
And spat on him
Was a very good night.

Black Metal

The discord, the chaos, it brings peace to my soul.

Black Metal is not just a genre.

Black Metal is limitless. Limitless in the sense that its drive, its soul is that of not just the individual, but the warrior.

Black Metal is the music of the Warrior.

It as well is such an extreme form of music; in lyrical content and sound.

I feel an immense connection to it in the sense that so many Black Metal artists are so misanthropic.

Many Black Metal bands dont even perform shows, thats almost viritually unheard of in the field of music.

Its as well easy to see where this recent alliance with crust has come in.

Both have a very extreme sound, have similar roots, and carry a semi-parallel message in some instances. [Mostly with more nature, primitivist, and misanthropic oriented Black Metal bands]

-Got some more info for the trip. Jamie needs to call me back, so we can get the details set.

Also I saw some commercial for some sort of organization for the survival of the human race after 12/21/12

theihc.com

I personally think its a publicity stunt [for the 12/21/12 movie]

There is alot of hype about that date.

I cant wait till it passes by like every other stupid "end of the world" date, and I can laugh and spit in the faces of those apocalyptic morons.

Well I am off to go connect with the Forces of Darkness

Spiritual War

Someone asked me today

"Why do you wear combat boots? Are you in a war?"

I replied "Yes, a spiritual war"

This statement had more meaning to my life than intended.

As I am engaged in not only in a spiritual war outside of myself, but also within.

Constantly engaged in combat with the weak and lazy side of myself that was allowed to fester in my younger years.

For much too long, I allowed myself to be less than I am capable of.

I am fortunate to have had such a revival in spirit at so young an age.

Most people go there entire lives being a mindless consuming idiot.

They achieve nothing, and are nothing.

Anyways.

I actually got some sleep today.

Felt good, but no matter how good it feels, I cant help but think of it as a waste.

Planned out more of the trip to Norway.

Going to do some Black Magick tonight.

Sadly though, I have to wait for the tapers to come in, before I engage in demon work.

Patience never hurt anyone though.

I also tried energy manipulation in relation to emotions.

Seemed to work.

Will have to give it a shot again tomorrow.

Sorrow is necissary for life to exist

Its amazing how stupid people are
I am constantly suprised and baffled at the lack of intelligence in this world
I have no tolerance for the weak and stupid.
This tolerance for weakness out of some belief that you are helping them is destroying our minds, bodies, and planet.
People dont seem to realize, that if you cannot find happiness from within, or are not willing to dominate and fight.
That you will be trampled on.
Never put down your sword, never stop fighting.
Peace is a Myth, Equality the bane of our existence.
For when you stop fighting, you become less than you can be.
And become another mindless idiot drone, drowning in the peace and comfort of a so called civilized world.
While your world crumbles around you.
This movement of happiness, love, and comfort will destroy us all.
Lest we find balance.
Responsibility, sorrow, struggle.
All necissary aspects of life and wisdom.

Sleepless nights

My first entry in this online diary. This is simply meant for me to record my experiences, day to day life, and travels.Last night was another of chaos. Couldnt sleep as usual. Each night insanity takes me and guides me through the cosmos. Each morning I wake up feeling as if the night before never existed. Its not that I'm on drugs, its my mind breaking free. I dont know whats real any more. With each step I take, it feels as if the ground beneath my feet is going to crack. I'm walking on a perpetual cloud, and each time I feel myself about to fall through, it all stops, and the cycle begins anew.I believe I fell asleep at 7am, and woke up at 12:30.The great aspect of my sleepless nights is that it gives me plenty of time to think.To ponder the mysteries of this universe and perfect my philosophy [Spiritual and Political].
Each day people disgust me further. The pointless talking, the ceaseless complaining, it makes me want to vomit. Its amazing how much weakness plagues this world. I barely talk to people anymore.

I as well began planning my trip to Europe. I plan to spend the majority of my time in Norway and Ireland. I will begin my trip in southern western Europe, and make my way east, west, and then continue north. I as well am considering, just staying and not coming back. I tried so hard to reintegrate myself into the world and become the social man I once was. But I was unable to, as I soon realized that there is no going back. Once you spend a year in the wild and see the true colors of the world. You realize that these scars are forever permanent. I was going to spend my youth enjoying the fruits of Los Angeles and my good looks, but I dont believe I will ever be able to. I planned on moving into the wild when I had exploited my youth fully, but again I see now that, this will never be so.